My life. What’s missing?

Let’s be honest.

No matter how we live our lives or what we do, there always seems to be a “void” or something missing – deep inside of us.

Ok. I’ve now that I’ve openly admitted it, let me unpack that a bit.

I know all the right answers I would give someone to deal with the “void” that Blaise Pascal talked about when he said, “There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus.”   I’m keenly aware that if I have God in the centre of my life and have all my values and priorities in line, I should be feeling completely satisfied.  But, unfortunately, that isn’t how it is most days. There seems to be something that keeps me from having the true satisfaction I thought life would bring.

I’ve spent my whole adult life living for that next big moment.  Career. Engagement. Marriage. Babies. I’ve waited for my kids to go to school, graduate, date and get married and start their own families.  I want them to live successful lives while my husband and I do the same.

However, no matter where I’m at, there seems always something that reminds me that things are not fully in order and that my satisfaction will not come from the milestones and accomplishments in my life.

There is often an emptiness that can cause me to feel guilty and even frustrated. It’s mostly because I know I shouldn’t feel that way. I have enough life learnings and trust in God that I know I should release things and manage that emptiness.  Yet, it’s still there.

This emptiness is actually like physical hunger, which I don’t attempt to fully satisfy on any given day. It’s part of how I’m made. I will never reach a point where everything is in a perfect and static state of completion. I’m in process. I’m a living being that is in a constant state of change. The continual recurrence of the need to be satisfied is simply a reminder of my daily need.

It’s normal and healthy for both my life and faith journey to experience emptiness and a continual replenishing in a journey towards satisfaction.  I’m in a process of growth and development.   The sense of something being missing is a reminder that my ultimate dependency is on God. I can be at peace with that.

What is it that I’m striving to fill it with? How am I handling it?

 

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