In the darkness, a smile mocks your pain. There is confusion to think that others can go on with their lives while tragedy, heartbreak and pain have seemingly removed your ability to experience joy.
Deep and utter despair somehow feels sacred. It’s as though one should never interfere with the solitude and isolation you feel as your heart wonders if it will ever heal again. You know this is not what you want to feel, but there is a betrayal to your deep inner spirit as you imagine yourself ever laughing again. You stand alone, the world has turned into a series of still photos of days gone by or others, whose lives look extraordinary blissful.
Dark days go on without hope until the One who loves you deeply gives you what you need for even just that next moment. You cling to that and exist again. Eventually, the darkness of the soul is interrupted by rays of the dawn. This feels like an interference, but triggers an element of intrigue. Could it be that there may once again be light?
As the sky turns aglow, your soul has a glimmer of hope. There are still moments you long for the night. It’s where you know you can exist in a catatonic state of sadness. The light expands and you awaken. You begin to take steps towards the light. Your healing has begun. You seek Him to hold onto you and lead you further into the light. Others come alongside. The aloneness is no longer your deepest craving. You begin to feel and to realize that others exist. There is a sense of potential purpose again. You have something to offer. You feel different. The dark night of your soul changed you. It made you new and stronger.
Then, there is the day you burst into laughter. It startles you. Is that you? Is it ok? Are you really in that place that you can laugh again?
He’s been healing you in your pain and giving you reason to live, to love and to laugh again. “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting.” Job 8:21
Your soul is renewed. You are different. Anyone who has gone through the dark and black nights of the soul is refined. There are things you took for granted that you now know are extraordinarily. You love deeper. You feel more deeply.
Your laughter. It’s real.