My new reality: an empty nest
There are now only two of us.
We have an empty house.
There is an eerie silence.
Let’s find a new sound in this new normal.
Let’s live our best life!
Nearly 31 years ago, Cam & I discovered our family would no longer be just the two of us. From that moment, my daily life was infused with the reality that my children needed me (even when they thought otherwise). It’s been a lifetime of caring, loving, guiding, laughing, pain and helping wherever I could. Being a mother to Luke, Brett and Kaylin has been most fulfilling. I recall the fear that I could never love a second and third child the same as I did my first, only to discover that the love is truly endless. This became my new reality as Hazelle & Sarah joined our family, and then once again with the arrival of each our precious grandchildren, Micah, Judah, Saffron, Amalie and Fletcher. With each change, our family changed, requiring both a letting go and an embracing of the new.
As we have navigated these changes, I encountered a reality I wasn’t quite expecting as I imagined life with grown kids. I always imagined they would be fairly nearby. Far enough to give space, close enough to stop by for dinner. As Luke & Brett moved away, married and had their families in distant places, there was solace in having Kaylin nearby. We’ve developed a rich friendship where we can create, love, have fun or just be together. Today, she departs to a new life, and another place, one that is away. It’s difficult to know what to feel. There is excitement for her, loss for both of us, anticipation of a new season.
Now, Where were we?
We are back to when it was just the two of us, eager to journey together, to go on dates whenever we wanted without planning around our kids schedules. Somehow I feel the same, but so different at the same time. I know we’ve both aged, but goodness, I don’t feel (or hopefully look) anywhere near as old as I thought I would at this age and stage.
We have both have learned we can accomplish things that seem so impossible. That there truly is light after the darkness. We have discovered the anchor that a strong marriage focused on God gives us. We have learned that neglect in relationship brings isolation, just as intentionality brings intimacy.
Loving a dispersed family
This same intentionality is what is needed to be a mom and Nana to a dispersed family. It takes turning the focus onto the upcoming hello instead of the current goodbye. It means planning the next get together (and praying that provincial borders don’t close). It means taking time for meaningful calls. It means surprising them with gifts, notes and love. It requires a beautiful blend of spontaneity and planning.
Today is yesterday’s tomorrow
It’s my desire to live life to the fullest. The greatest surprise of getting older is that you really never feel old. Purposeful living gives joy and energy one could never imagine. I’m excited about the days ahead. Cam & I have encouraged our kids and their families to live their lives to the fullest and to do all that they are called to do. We celebrate the choices they make and the homes they build with their families.
Cam & I will create our own new normal. Tomorrow will be great because we choose for it to be. We will reflect on the memories of the past and make new memories. Its a big step, and one that just happens one day, not because we chose it for ourselves, but because it is how life works.
I love you, my family.
I love you Cam. Let’s do this!
